God is amazing.

I was amazed by God's grace and love today. (No, normally I'm not all overly talky about my religion. But this was truly an amazing and eye opening thing!) I was sitting in my wonderful, comfortable bed working on my scholarship essay when she walks in and sits down. Just sits down. She never does this, hardly everr unless it's really important or something has gone wrong. She puts her hands on my legs and just looks at me. So of course I ask her what's going on.

Well. She tells me that my dad has talked to my grandfather. Her biological dad. This is something that I highly doubted would happen. My grandfather doesn't talk to us. Hasn't talked to mama in 17, almost 18 years until this past Monday when we went to a family funeral for my Great-Aunt. A whole lotta shit went down. But, now I think it's going to turn out okay! Anyways, back to the story. ;) She said that Grandfather is going to talk to Brenda, and my Aunt Erica to make sure that they'll be on the same page...but he wants to come down to Mississippi and spend time with us!

He said that when he saw me for the first time, at first he didn't know who I was. But then he figured it out. And he thought that I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. (No, this doesn't boost my ego. It made me cry. Like no shit.) And he knew that I wanted to meet him because I kept on walking into that room that he was standing in. And he was right. I did want to meet him.

He couldn't figure out why I wanted to meet him though. He has had nothing to do with me in my whole life. Dad told him that even though he may not have been apart of our lives. He is written all over my brother and myself. We got NONE of our musical talent from my dad's side of the family. It all came from Grandfather. And most of mama's strengths didn't come from her mother. They came from him.

I hope Erica doesn't try and take him away from us again. I've talked to her, and she wants to get to know me. But can she let go of the grudge she's held against my mother? Lord, I hope so. I have grandaddy issues. And I want more than one grandfather in my life. One that is actually related to me by blood and not just through marriage. I know that King loves me, and that he chose to be my grandfather. But still. I want to know the grandfather who is my grandfather by blood.

Is that asking too much?

The plan is that Dad will talk to Grandfather again next Friday after he's had a chance to talk to Erica and Brenda (the second wife). And if everything pans out, then they'll come down to MS to spend some time with us..and then we'll go to GA to spend time with them.

So yeah. God is amazing. It went from him supposedly not wanting anything to do with us, to wanting to reestablish contact and form a relationship!!

i remember bein youngg

title: louisiana saturday night by: the benjy davis project

Well, I completed Day 2 of the 30 Day Shred. Godd I feel it now. I really do. It kills. Ahhh. It's completely worth losing the weight though!! I will get down to 110. I will, I will. Yeah. Haha!

I am FINALLY getting to read Inheritance. Finally. Finally. Finally. It sure did take him long enough to finish it so that I could start it. Hehe.

So, I've decided to make a list. 18 things to do before I turn 18. And I need to get crackin, cause I only have 4 months! :D

I'm working on getting the list figured out. I should have it up in a couple of days!

xoxo,
Beks.

a new year, a new start

It's 2012. I honestly never imagined I would live this long. (No, I'm not being sarcastic. I really do get myself into alot of trouble.) So much has happened in the past year that I wish I could change, and that I'm thankful for. I fell out of love with a mistake, and I think I am falling into love again. With the right kind of person this time. :) More on that later! Promise ;)

Recently, we had a death in the family. My mom's side. The side I don't see or hear about very often. To say the least, it was interesting. But all of the drama that came from that day has opened new doors! I am finally starting to connect with my long-lost aunt!! We had a little bit of drama come up over a facebook status (ohh facebook drives me crazy sometimes), and after I messaged her and explained it, as well as the fact that I had no grudge against them and whatever tiff she had with my parents was with my parents and not myself...we actually came to an understanding! She told me about how when I was born, she was so excited about being an aunt and she went and told everyone at school. I cried. I won't lie. But they were happy tears. If I can start a relationship with her, then there's hope for my grandfather.

Needless to say that was the most exciting thing that happened to me today. Except that I'm sore as crap. I'm friggin intent on losing weight this year and getting back down to my amazing, wonderful 118. Yeah, you heard me. This will probably keep track of my progress too!

I can't believe that with this year, I'll be graduating highschool and entering college! It's such an exciting thing, but yet a scary thought. I'm terrified of growing up. As much as I look forward to it, it frightens me.

But, God provides in many ways. And He opens up doors as I have seen today! I am definitely leaving my relationship with my aunt up to Him. It really did warm my heart to hear/read that Grandfather never stopped loving my mother. It makes him out to not be the coldhearted bastard that I thought he was. And I'm glad. I want to have a relationship with him. I really do. He's my family. Crazy family maybe, but everyone is crazy.

And so on that note, I'm ending this first blog post of the new year.

xoxo,
beks.